1 Timothy 6:17-19 - "Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable.  Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment.  Tell them to use their money to do good.  They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others.  By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so they at they may experience true life." 

1 Timothy 6:20 - "Timothy, guard what God has entrusted to you.  Avoid godless, foolish discussions with those who oppose you with their so-called knowledge."

People-pleasing

Approval seeking

Learning to hold space

Tame the tongue; avoid toxic conversation:  “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

Giving people the dignity to make their own decisions; tell them once seriously so they take you seriously, anything beyond that is a form of control

Philippians 2

Gratitude

Mailing letters of encouragement to those in your life

You get married, you sleep with your wife

You can eat from every tree except this one

Children, obey your parents

Boundaries increase your capacity/bandwidth/threashold

There's no hurry in the Kingdom (scripture one minute is like a thousand years?)

Sabbath Day / Rest (weekly time out)

Time / Overcommitment (Addictions)

Money / Overspending (Addictions)

Possessions / Overconsumption (Idols) - children as idols

Workaholism (Idol)

Shopaholism (Idol)

Binge Drinking (Idol)

Traveling (Idol)

Speed Limit

FAT or FACT

W.A.I.T. (Why am I still talking?)

Do you want feedback or just want me to listen?

Do you need to be helped, hugged, or heard?

I do not need to have an opinion.

Does it need to be said?  Does it need to be said right now?  Does it need to be said by me?

Idle Chatter; saying less, controlling the tongue

Making promises/commitments you can keep (like Paul committing to buying me flowers for the duration of our marriage, or a mother reading the Bible to her child every night).  Don't make promises/commitments that you cannot see through for the timeframe you've committed to.  Which brings us to having a pre-determined "end date".  Don't make commitments without end dates; then, you have the option to reevaluate when the commitment ends.  "What does God have for me next?"

Get In, Get Out (no lollygagging, be intentional) @ Target!!

When people needed Jesus' help, He asked THEM to identify their problem by asking, "What do you want?"  or "How can I help?"  (Find examples). He did not tell them what they need. - Giving people the dignity to solve their own problems and make their own decisions; free will.

Admitting our limitations cause us to lean on the Lord, to trust Him with our loved ones, time, money, energy, resources, etc.  We can't do it all!

Tell them once seriously so they take you seriously

Obedience to God and not a doormat to people; "I'm not here for you" is essentially what Jesus kept saying

Jesus glorified God, not people; He came for God, not for people

Boundaries are what enable us to serve God to the utmost of our ability by prioritizing the mission that He's given us on this earth

Boundaries protect me from being taken away from my mission

God, Husband, Children, Local Body - these things need to be protected as these are ministries in and of themselves

Every Yes means a No to something else, and every No means Yes to something else

Boundaries cause shame b/c you think you're being selfish, as though I'm supposed to be available to everyone at all times

Jesus was setting boundaries with His family starting at age 12

12 Disciples, he didn't take everyone

Listening vs. Fixing

Acceptance

Hyjacking

Avoiding Conflict

Living within 24 hours in a day

Difficult Conversations

Tell them once seriously, so they take you seriously.  Beyond that, it's a form of control.

Emotional Sobriety

Empathy & Compassion

Letting Go, Letting God

One Day at a Time

Asking Questions

Time / Being Available; margin

F.A.T.

Living by Example; Jesus' Example; Demonstrate

Encouragement "You are..."

Feelings "I feel..."

Boundaries with Time

Boundaries with Money

Self-Discipline

Genuine Care & Curiosity

Boundaries in the workplace

Equally Yoked

Fair Fighting

Conflict Resolution

God-appointed Roles

No to Gossip

Watch for 3-Ways

Speaking Truth in Love

Free Will; giving people the dignity of making their own decisions

Loving people through their bad decisions

Throwing pillows

Enabling

Enmeshment

When to say YES and how to say NO

Control vs. Trusting in God

Book Ending

Conversations & Curiosity

Pick 3 Each Day

Learning to "be a part of"

Discernment through prayer and The Word

Leave and Cleave

Rest; Sabbath

Expectations; Managing Expectations

Keeping your side of the street clean

Don't cast stones

Reconcilation

Apologies and Amends

Taking your own inventory, not the inventory of others

Confession

Addictions

Idols

Family traditions they may no longer work for you; WHY do you do the things you do?

Honoring your mother and father without being a doormat

Caretaking

The Need to be Needed

Thinking of oneself as more important than they are

Prioritizing 

JOY:  Jesus, Others, You

Training

Mindset of TRAINING really hard instead of TRYING really hard; running the race. (One who trains can run longer distances without burning out).

Burnout

Written contracts; don't do business on a handshake or verbal agreement

Ask for what you want/need; Jesus asked, "what do you want?"

Seek Counsel

Keep commitments

Be on time

Texting

TV Watching

Over consumption

Over spending

Over commitment

Over eating

Living in Excess:  How much is enough?

Respecting other people's boundaries

Self-centered vs. Christ-centered

Flesh vs. Spirit

Obedience

Submission

God's commandments are for our safety and protection, not to scold us

Boundaries a caretaker; self-care and God's care when taking care of others

Refreshment

Fun

Hobbies

Fences not Doors

Boundaries don't mean stiff arming or shutting people out; open door, open hands - God lets us know who/when/where/how to serve

What's the motivation behind the behavior?

What's your WHY for the reason you act the way you do (lack of boundaries or fixing others?)

To know and be known

Everyone wants to be seen, heard and understood

Loving without the expectation of anything in return

Out-serving your spouse

Codependency

Interdependency

Role within the Body of Christ

Tickling

Delegating

Me vs. We (Time Mgmt)

No means No

Stop means Stop

Hoola Hoop; personal space

Withholding vs. healthy communication

Fair Fighting

TMI

Unnecessary explanations

Doing nothing is doing something

Everything in moderation

Living in extremes

Talking in absolutes

Visit many good books but live in the Bible

Bible as guidebook for life

Privacy

Confidentiality (Trust)

Stealing other people's thunder

Sometimes God speaks just for me, other times I'm to share; discernment.  (Private conversations are okay).

Exit strategy

"Fishing":  texting or posting so we can get a response (attention, recognition).  Ask yourself WHY am I texting/posting?

Temporary or limited commitments

Exercise your faith to grow it like a muscle; apply what you learn to circumstances in order to get better

Asking permission: "are you open for feedback?"

"Do you want feedback or just want me to listen?"

Short responses:  "That sounds really hard."

Asking what people want, like Jesus did

Permission to speak into somone's life vs. inserting yourself or imposing your unsolicited opinion (sponsors, therapists, coaches, etc. are invited)

Challenge: wait for someone to ask for your opinion before offering it

Staying out of controversial issues to stay emotionally sober; don't let it rob your peace (watch what you ingest like news and social media)

Social Media limitations

Abstaining from harmful things

Batching:  recording all podcast videos or writing all social media posts at once, then just posting them on a schedule

Getting into recovery to deal with your past, or addictions, or compulsions; get help

FPU for financial help

Be a women of your word; integrity

Clear conscience

Death prep prayer:  O God of grace and mercy, we give thanks for Your loving-kindness shown to (insert name here), and to all Your servants who, having finished their course in faith, now rest from their labors.  Grant that we also may be faithful unto death and receive the crown of eternal life; through Jesus Christ, Your son, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.  Amen.

I've learned (mostly in business, but personally too):  no one is looking out for me, except me.... and God... and maybe my spouse, family member of friend.  Get written contacts!

 

ADDICTIONS AND COMPULSIONS

The concepts of addiction and compulsion can significantly impact how individuals manage their time, money, and boundaries. Understanding these patterns can help create strategies to overcome unhealthy behaviors and establish healthier boundaries, which ties into your mission of helping faith-driven Christian women simplify their lives and prioritize their Kingdom calling.

1. Addiction and Boundaries

When it comes to time and money, addiction can blur or even eliminate healthy boundaries. Addiction-driven behaviors often take over a person’s life, leading to poor time management and financial instability.

  • Time Addiction: This could manifest as being overly consumed by activities like work, social media, or even ministry, where the need for productivity or recognition becomes addictive. People might lose track of time, neglect important relationships, and overextend themselves, making it hard to set proper boundaries.
  • Money Addiction: Compulsive spending or gambling can cause financial instability. Addictions related to money often result in chronic overspending or debt, where people chase the temporary “high” of making purchases or financial gains, disregarding long-term consequences.
  • Breaking the Cycle: Establishing strong boundaries—like limiting time on certain activities, setting financial budgets, or seeking accountability—can be key to overcoming these addictive behaviors. For Christians, recognizing that time and money are gifts from God can serve as motivation to honor God with wise stewardship.

2. Compulsion and Boundaries

Compulsions often lead to rigid routines or repetitive behaviors that take up valuable time and energy. When someone has a compulsion, their ability to set flexible and healthy boundaries becomes difficult because they feel “trapped” in their behavior.

  • Time and Compulsion: People with compulsive tendencies may feel compelled to engage in repetitive activities (e.g., constantly checking emails, overplanning, or engaging in excessive cleaning) that waste time and interfere with their ability to rest, connect with others, or pursue their calling. Their day can be consumed by rituals that provide temporary relief but not lasting peace.
  • Money and Compulsion: Some compulsive behaviors around money include constantly checking bank accounts, extreme saving to the point of denying basic needs, or overspending to reduce stress. This compulsive control or lack thereof can create a strained relationship with money.
  • Managing Compulsions: Addressing compulsive behaviors may require self-awareness and seeking support through therapy, spiritual guidance, or coaching. Setting intentional, faith-driven boundaries can help redirect energy toward more meaningful pursuits and reduce the anxiety that drives compulsive behaviors.

Faith and the Path to Freedom

As a Christian life coach, your role in helping clients recognize these patterns and connect their time and money management to their faith is crucial. Here are some ways to integrate spiritual principles into coaching:

  • Stewardship Over Time and Money: Teach clients that time and money are gifts from God, entrusted to us for wise management. When boundaries are aligned with biblical principles, individuals are empowered to make better decisions that honor God.
  • Scriptural Guidance: Help your clients turn to scripture to find balance. For example, Matthew 6:24 warns against serving both God and money, while Ephesians 5:16 encourages making the most of every opportunity (time).
  • Accountability and Grace: Encouraging clients to seek accountability through prayer, community, or trusted friends can provide the support needed to break free from unhealthy patterns. Additionally, offering grace and patience as they learn to reestablish boundaries can promote long-term change.

  • Strategies for Establishing Faith-Based Boundaries

    For Christians, aligning relationships with time, money, and personal well-being to God’s design offers hope and healing. Here are specific strategies to overcome addiction or compulsion and improve relationships, time, and money management:

    1. Biblical Stewardship of Time and Money
    • Time as a Gift from God: Encourage clients to view time as a gift to be managed wisely, as stated in Ephesians 5:16: "Making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." This reframing can shift their focus from addictive behaviors to purposeful living, helping them prioritize relationships, rest, and spiritual growth.
    • Financial Stewardship: The principle of Proverbs 3:9, "Honor the Lord with your wealth," teaches that money is not just for personal use but for serving God and others. Establishing financial boundaries rooted in stewardship—such as budgeting, saving, and tithing—can restore a healthy relationship with money and reduce financial stress in relationships.

    • Aligning with the Kingdom Call

      Ultimately, by helping clients understand their relationship with time, money, and relationships through a biblical lens, they can live more aligned with their Kingdom call. When they set healthy boundaries that honor God, they free themselves from the burdens of addiction or compulsion and find the space to cultivate meaningful, God-honoring relationships and pursuits.

      Would you like to explore practical exercises or tools that could help your clients with these specific boundary challenges?

 

 

Here are practical exercises and tools that can help your Christian coaching clients honor boundaries in life, grounded in biblical principles. These are designed to support spiritual, relational, and personal growth while helping your clients live in alignment with their faith and values.

1. Biblical Self-Reflection

Encourage your clients to spend time in prayer and scripture to identify areas where boundaries need to be established or strengthened. This reflective practice can help them align their actions with God’s will.

Exercise: Daily Quiet Time with God

  • Purpose: To seek God’s guidance in setting healthy boundaries.
  • How it works: Have clients set aside 10-15 minutes each day to read scripture and journal their thoughts on areas where they struggle to maintain boundaries (e.g., time management, saying no, relationships). Ask them to reflect on verses like Matthew 11:28-30 (rest) or Proverbs 4:23 (guarding the heart).
  • Outcome: They’ll develop clarity on areas of life where God is calling them to set or adjust boundaries.

2. Prioritizing Kingdom Calling

Help clients focus on their Kingdom calling by aligning their priorities with God's will. This helps them say "yes" to the right things and "no" to distractions.

Tool: The Priority Pyramid

  • Purpose: To help clients structure their priorities biblically.
  • How it works: Draw a pyramid where the top is their relationship with God, followed by family, ministry, work, and other commitments. Discuss how focusing on their relationship with God helps them clarify boundaries for the rest of their life areas. Encourage them to ensure they are putting God first (Matthew 6:33) and asking what distractions are pulling them away from this order.
  • Outcome: This tool gives clients a visual reminder to keep their priorities straight and set boundaries accordingly.

3. Time Stewardship and Sabbath Rest

Encourage your clients to practice time stewardship by incorporating regular rest, based on the biblical concept of Sabbath.

Exercise: Creating a Weekly Sabbath

  • Purpose: To ensure clients are intentionally setting aside time for rest and spiritual renewal.
  • How it works: Guide them to designate one day or a specific block of time each week to rest from work and responsibilities, focusing on worship, family, and relaxation. They can reflect on Exodus 20:8-11 about the Sabbath as a model for their time.
  • Outcome: Honoring the Sabbath strengthens boundaries around rest and prevents burnout, aligning with God’s rhythm of work and rest.

4. Saying No with Grace

One of the biggest challenges in boundary-setting is learning how to say “no” without guilt. Help clients understand that saying “no” to some things is necessary to say “yes” to God’s best.

Tool: The “Graceful No” Script

  • Purpose: To empower clients to say no without guilt, using biblical wisdom.
  • How it works: Have clients develop a script they can use when they need to decline an opportunity or request. The script should be simple, direct, and kind. For example: “Thank you for thinking of me. Right now, I need to prioritize other commitments, but I appreciate the opportunity.” Incorporate Matthew 5:37 ("Let your yes be yes and your no be no") to reinforce the idea of being clear and decisive.
  • Outcome: This tool gives them confidence to say no when necessary while maintaining grace and kindness.

5. Guarding the Heart and Mind

Establishing emotional and mental boundaries is essential to maintaining healthy relationships and personal peace. Teach clients to guard their hearts and minds in alignment with Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Exercise: Emotional Boundaries Journal

  • Purpose: To help clients identify where they need stronger emotional boundaries.
  • How it works: Ask them to keep a journal, writing about any interactions or situations that leave them feeling drained, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Guide them to reflect on whether they’re absorbing emotions or burdens that aren't theirs to carry and how they can hand these over to God through prayer (Philippians 4:6-7).
  • Outcome: Clients will gain awareness of emotional triggers and learn to establish boundaries that protect their emotional and spiritual well-being.

6. Accountability Partnerships

Help your clients find accountability partners who can support them in their boundary-setting journey. This is rooted in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, which highlights the strength of mutual support.

Tool: Accountability Partner Checklist

  • Purpose: To create a structure for ongoing support.
  • How it works: Help your client identify someone who shares their values and will commit to checking in regularly on their boundary goals. They can use a simple checklist to track their progress—e.g., “Have I honored my time commitments this week? Did I say no where necessary? Have I guarded my heart and focused on my priorities?”
  • Outcome: Regular accountability will help reinforce boundary-setting efforts and create a supportive environment for change.

7. Boundaries in Relationships

Healthy boundaries are crucial for maintaining balanced, God-honoring relationships. Matthew 22:39 calls for loving others as ourselves, which includes setting limits to prevent burnout or unhealthy dynamics.

Exercise: Relationship Boundary Mapping

  • Purpose: To help clients evaluate and set boundaries in their relationships.
  • How it works: Have clients map out their key relationships—family, friends, coworkers—and reflect on where boundaries are needed or need strengthening. Discuss where they might be over-giving, overextending, or taking on responsibilities that belong to others. Emphasize the importance of loving others while maintaining personal limits, drawing from Galatians 6:2, 5 ("Carry each other’s burdens" vs. "Each should carry their own load").
  • Outcome: Clients will be more intentional in setting relational boundaries, leading to healthier, more balanced connections.

8. Establishing a “Boundary Check” Routine

This routine helps clients regularly assess where boundaries are slipping or where they’re holding firm. It encourages ongoing self-awareness and course correction.

Tool: Boundary Review Worksheet

  • Purpose: To make boundary reflection a regular practice.
  • How it works: Create a simple worksheet where clients can review their week. Have them assess:
    • Time: Did I use my time in a way that aligns with my priorities?
    • Money: Did I manage my finances in a way that honors God?
    • Relationships: Did I set healthy boundaries in my relationships?
    • Self-care: Did I take time to rest and recharge? Encourage them to adjust their boundaries where necessary and seek God’s help to strengthen them.
  • Outcome: This routine helps clients stay consistent in honoring their boundaries and making adjustments as needed.

Conclusion

By integrating these practical exercises and tools into your coaching practice, you can help Christian women honor boundaries in every area of life. Grounded in biblical wisdom, these practices empower clients to simplify their lives, prioritize their Kingdom call, and cultivate healthier relationships—with God, others, and themselves.